how to stay wild

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I never expected to want to live in the second most populous city in the U.S... let alone be willing to. I'm not quite "a beach person" nor "a film buff"; I have little desire to appreciate In-N-Out; and I really, truly prefer walking to public transport-ing to driving. But, I've "found parts of myself in so many ways, in so many places, in so many people." I've explored and experienced more than I ever could've imagined (especially those 6.5 years ago when I started blogging). I'm full of memories, gratitude, and most of all, eagerness to meaningfully contribute to the world that's given me so much. So, when I was given the opportunity to do good work for an organization I wholeheartedly believe in, I accepted it. Even if it means I will soon relocate to the Los Angeles I've been conditioned to look down upon. (Way to go, New York.) Because, let's be serious, what kind of "open minded" "global citizen" would I be if I didn't refuse stereotypes for more engagement and social impact? "I felt fierce and humble and gathered up inside, like I was safe in this world too." Thus, adventures in yet another destination--one I intend to stay a while in, by the way. On y va !

how to seem brave

Last week, I received a card: "Family isn't about where we are. It's about who we are, And how much we mean to each other. You're always in my heart. Happy Easter." My mom and dad both signed it, adding, "We are so proud of your bravery and strength." I smiled while reading. How sweet and silly. If anyone is familiar with the frequency with which I'm frightened by real life, it's them.

Then again, they're right in that my best experiences have been driven by such nervous adrenaline. I think it's because my greatest fear of all is being stuck in the midst of what ifs. In other words, it's less "I think I can" (go, confidence, go) and more I insist on "knowing better". If most of our lives are defined and articulated by what we believe should and shouldn't be, I prefer to challenge the mediocracy, ya know? Though I trust everything takes place as it should, I also believe we give it the opportunity to do so. To let our lives happen at all. To play that small yet significant role in who and what comes our way, where, why, when and how...

It means I'm vulnerable, I get my hopes up, and I'm sometimes hurt by disappointing people, places, and things--nouns, basically. But it also means when I'm far away from my family and ma famille on Easter Sunday, I have friends to clink Kir Royales (and more) with on the Seine. And how I adore them. Brave or not, I wouldn't trade our memories together for anything else in the world. Life does work out in our favor every now and again; and when it does, it's so oftentimes better than we'd ever imagined.

how to be mindful

Did I tell you I went to a psychic last month? I did, after enjoying plenty of wine and cheese with Catherine. We were on our way to Grom because we hadn't yet reached our dairy intake goal for the day. The psychic smiled and invited us in (as she probably does to to all passerbys). But, in our tipsy state of being, we decided to go along with it. Catherine teared up at the accuracy of her reading. Mine seemed less so. Yet the psychic did mention two inevitable occurrences-to-be: a big move and financial success. As a full-time student, the latter could very well represent a regular paycheck of more than zero dollars. Woot, woot. I have lots to look forward to.

In all seriousness though, she foresaw correctly. I will relocate to... somewhere, for a job. Knowing that fact has made being in Paris again all the more special. I've found myself living in every moment and interaction so much more; a night at Le Perchoir comes to mind: It began with a Pisco Sour and reminiscing about pisco-drenched memories. Lorelei and I continued to a casual fête après.

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As much as that in and of itself is bittersweet, it also makes me appreciate my favoritest thing about being abroad: wonder, and the mindfulness it brings. I hope I'm able to hold onto it wherever I end up in my good fortune ;). Taking note of these zen habits now:

1. Do one thing at a time.
2. Be present, especially when talking with someone.
3. Eat slowly and savor your food.
4. Make cleaning become meditation.
5. Keep practicing.

how to make new friends

Last Thursday evening, I walked from my apartment near Place de Clichy and through the hipster hub of South Pigalle. I was on my way to Artisan. Drink plans with Lauren, Lou, Marissa, and more brought me for a second visit; following a fantastic girls night with Rachael and Lorelei. It was just as as I'd remembered--charming atmosphere; approachable service; creative cocktails; and the most impressive small plates menu. Again, a great time was had... and to think, I shared it with people I've met quite recently.

I've been home in New York for three whole days now and have yet to see any friends here. Instead, I've been soaking up quality time with my parents and grandfather. Both in the midst of college finals, my brother comes back from Arizona tomorrow, and my sister will be back from Ithaca next week. Tonight though, I'm city-bound, and I can hardly wait to catch up with Anna. It's funny, too, because even she was once a stranger behind a blog. When I think about it, I've kinda made a lot of new friends as a grown-up.

A lot of the has to do with changing my whereabouts, of course. Moving around--whether it be for travel or relocation--resulted in a fluctuating proximity (or lack thereof) to childhood friends. Actively designing a life meant I had to build relationships in educational (college, grad) and work settings. Blogging has translated into countless opportunities to meet and connect in real life as well, however unconventional the point of contact. Dare I say I've gotten good at it? Or, have come to really enjoy the process.

When I wrote "how to make it in New York," I recognized I wasn't necessarily desperate for friends. And even still I moved out of the city with new ones. So, here's what I've learned :) First, accept that it'll be a little uncomfortable. There's no way to create something deep and meaningful without first surviving those awkward getting-to-know-you moments. And just like in dating, there's not always going to be a click. That said, there's less pressure, and there'll often be greater longevity when it does work.

Then, maximize opportunities. Frequent new places and introduce yourself to new faces. You don't have to become the friendliest person on the block, but you must realize all relationships are formed with repetitive contact. When an old acquaintance offers to amicably introduce you to someone or that lose tie platonically invites you somewhere, take them up on it. (Assuming, of course, you're comfortable with the social setting). It's very likely you'll be exposed to a whole 'nother network of potential bffs.

Lastly, be both mindful and vulnerable. To successfully create a circle of confidantes, you're going to have to open up; a lot if you want to get to true blue level. At the same time, along the way, don't hesitate to check in with how you find your friend-to-be. I'm not suggesting you become thoroughly judgemental, but I would recognize any warning signs like distrust. Just because you're in need of new friendships, doesn't mean you should devote your time and energy to the first few people who show slight interest. You deserve lasting relationships with mutual intent and similar values. And once you've got 'em, they deserve to be tended to with care. Which reminds me... I've got to start on holiday cards! Near or far, new and old, I have some of the bestest friends to appreciate.

how to belong

Adaptability. You may have heard that's it's the #1 life skill you learn and practice while studying abroad and/or working in an international environment. It definitely is one of them. I'd argue the ability to create a sense of belonging is even greater though.

It's freaking hard to build relationships with strangers who grew up in a world separate from your own, to observe norms you're not familiar with and then take them on yourself... to thrive as the only American woman in an office of tech-minded French guys. And yet, whether or not I actually have an INFJ personality, doing so has been one of the most rewarding foreign experiences thus far.

I worked from home today, and tomorrow, I'll meet the PageYourself team at our new office in the 18th. Au revoir, Le Réfectoire ! We will no longer have medicore burgers and bomb-a** fries at our disposal. But, for the next two weeks at least, I'll continue enjoying a "male-skewed" lunchtime diet. The sentimentality is already kicking in full throttle. I'm going to miss my coworkers.

How did I get to this point? I "kept on swimming", even if I really wanted to give up sometimes. And honestly, that's the most valuable advice I could give. Adapting is a process of excitement, resentment, and acceptance. Sometimes mojitos help, but maintaining perspective on the impermanence is an even safer bet. Now I just have to remind myself that diving into solitary thesis research doesn't at all mean losing these personal and professional connections. Le sigh. Second transition of the year: go!

"There’s an old adage that says you leave pieces of yourself wherever you go, wherever you’ve called home. And I suppose that’s true. But, it’s kind of bullshit, too, like most old adages and their supposed relative truth. It’s not the pieces themselves that matter. It’s the size of those pieces you leave behind and the size of the hole they’re trying to fill that matter. Because you can have the biggest pieces of yourself that are connected to these places and the sense of belonging that you derive from them and still not manage to fill the hole. Your sense of belonging starts when you stop asking other people and places permission to belong. It’s not about where you “feel like” you should be. It’s about where you are, and you belong wherever you are." -Jon Hamlin

how to handle a chocolate tasting

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? "How to handle a chocolate tasting." You enjoy it the heck out of it, that's how! Last weekend, before leaving for Brussels (a city famed by its own chocolatiers), I joined a small group of expats at a Parisian apartment for Discover Paris!'s event with Marie-Hélène Gantois of Mococha Chocolat. It was quite the tasting. I nearly out-chocolate-d myself, if you can believe it, and ended up going home with a bag of half-eaten bonbons. (Don't worry. Each piece has served me well this week.)

The cultivation and consommation of chocolate originated in the Americas (woot, woot) a couple thousand years ago. It was sacred to both the Mayans and Aztecs. As a result, the Latin name for the cacao tree--theobroma cacao--unsurprisingly means "food of the gods." Chocolate continued to be used for healing even after it was brought to Europe and sweetened. As Marie-Hélène told us, it was initially only available for purchase from pharmacies in France. Then, roughly 150 years ago, artisans got their hands on it.

After taking plenty of photos and notes, and brushing the hair out of my face (merci bien Tom for providing the evidence above), we went on to taste some of their chocolate creations. Marie-Hélène guided us as we first chose a pure chocolate square at room temperature, admired its sheen, listened to the sound as we broke it in half, inhaled the released aroma, and placed it in our mouths to melt. The slow process allowed me to pick up on various tastes and textures. I decided Ecuadorian chocolate is my favorite.

Preferences became wonderfully more complicated though as we finished with truffles accented by basil, wasabi, paprika, ginger. And yet, I so gladly kept my opinionated findings in mind as I browsed the selection at Pierre Marcolini the next day. Many thanks to Tom and Monique for inviting me, Habitat Parisien for offering a space, Tricia, John, Richard, Sandy, Eric, Diane, and Adrian for bringing extra lovely company, and, of course, Marie-Hélène Gantois of Mococha Chocolat for treating our tastebuds to such an exquisite experience. Without another chocolate tasting event on the agenda, this weekend is certainly going to dull by comparison.

how to get un-stuck

When I was at my lowest, following my first breakup, I spent hours researching international universities I could transfer to... because obviously a new home-away-from-home would make everything better. Similarly, while heading towards my last breakup, I blamed my dissatisfaction on the city of Paris and applied to a handful of jobs in London. I emailed a friend about my restlessness during that time, writing, "Note to self: a change of scenery doesn't solve all of life's woes." And it's true. I knew it even then. Though I trust with certainty that my tireless wanderlust is genuine and I embarked on this experience for all the right reasons, I'm also aware that those doubts and worries haunt me without concern as to whether I'm staying or going. It may be easier to run away from rather than face our inner demons, but the escape hardly sets us free. It's a lesson worth learning. So, assuming I'm not the only one struggling with "stuck" from time to time, I thought I'd share how I recently came to embrace "settled" instead.

{Paris}

It's never just "the way it is." The French love the phrase, and yet, ironically enough, it was Marie who offered me this reasoning. As much as you're busy, she told me, you still have time to do those little things that make you happier. Try a few new recipes, pick up running again, find low-commitment, and better yet, free events and activities that excite you. Don't let your mind get away with believing you're more "stuck" than you are. You play a vital role in dictating how good you feel in life right now.

{Malmö}

There is a bright side. While meandering through the Swedish countryside, I found myself complaining to Ariel Waldman about my restlessness. Why can't your flaw be your strength? she asked me. It's probably the force that's gotten you out into the world in the first place, the reason you have all these incredible experiences behind and ahead of you. Try celebrating it. If you're self-aware enough to know you're not quite where you want to be, then you now have the chance to better determine how to get there.

{ETSY}

Comparison is the thief of joy. Do not even think about comparing your current condition to that of a friend. Just... don't. Everyone is on their own unique journey. (Right, Christine?) No matter if you're hoping to build roots in the town that's always been your home or hoping to challenge comfort zones in a new city. As Lara reminds me frequently, both are okay, just as is every other plan of attack (fulfillment) in this game we call life. For me, this has always been the hardest part. I seek to explore the unknown with as much gusto as I long to revel in the familiar. I blame it on my Gemini-ness :). The thing is, our journey is as much up to us as it isn't. We must find a balance between keeping our eye on the prize and appreciating the gifts we've already been given.

New York Magazine's The Cut recently published Why I'm Glad I Quit New York at Age 24. I was especially drawn to it because I too left the city at 24--though I realize I didn't so much quit as much as New York and I took a break. I know I'll be back. I call myself an expat (...as I recently reflected in a comment on someone's blog! If you're the blogger or know who is, please let me know), but I'm hardly set on being one forever. As such, I was struck by Sara Tolzmann's critique of Ann Friedman's words:

"The article annoyed me for many reasons, but mostly because of this ridiculous notion that a place should make you happy, or that one is entitled to happiness outright. I think one of the enlightening truths unveiled to us as adults is that you must choose happiness, no matter the circumstances. It is not giftable, earnable, or stealable. It does not come from Instagram likes, blog comments or retweets (even though these are fun.) It does not live in the future or on an unreachable ("the next thing to come") horizon line. Everything is fleeting, and finding/keeping happiness takes work because of that."

Then I stumbled across How to be Home on Thought Catalog. The writer, Leslie Finlay, moved from New York to South Korea and aptly concludes that, "no matter where you go, you’re leaving behind a dependable life brimming with dependable people on dependable schedules." She nailed it, I thought to myself. That was the scariest part. The only thing scarier was settling for how stuck I had felt before leaving. And she continues with an enlightening conclusion that I couldn't have found more true:

"Because we can shift all across this planet, chase new experiences and take control of our own story, but at its core, our narrative only shifts so much. Every day we smile, plan, pursue our dreams. We drink too much, lose sleep, we turn off our phones and tune the world out to bad Netflix movies. We worry, we risk, we take the harrowing, damning chances to give all of ourselves to everything we do, to everyone we love, regardless of what we get in return."

Just as we are only as stuck as we let ourselves believe, we can also find comfort in letting go of unnecessary attachments and discovering that, "home is the people who remind you of who you are." Recently, I left a comment on Breanna Rose's blog about these positive relationships: "It’s interesting how life’s ebbs and flows can bring certain friends to the forefront while others take a seat back; and mostly, I mean this in the sense of who keeps in touch and continued support, and who, just, doesn’t. Those who matter most always find a way to stick around." Trust me when I tell you not only are you not actually stuck, you've got lots of support as you work to get out of it. And hey, good news: our lives are already unraveling just as they should.

how to break up

Joey broke up with me at lunchtime. We were in 6th grade, friends since pre-school, and had been boyfriend and girlfriend for almost a year. A few months earlier, I'd lost interest; yet I continued "dating" him (read: only dancing with him at canteens, sitting next to him in the movie theatre, and kissing him on the cheek occasionally) because he was so nice. Then Mike told Joey I'd called him stupid. That's all it took. I was so frustrated by the misunderstanding, and being broken up with by a boy I hadn't wanted to be with.

Multiple times since, I've wished I'd had the nerve and the courage to end it first. I told myself it was because I was a part of the hopeful bunch, but mostly it's because I was desperately avoiding being honest with myself. I wish I'd had this wisdom then.

Recognize the flaws. There are people in this world with whom we embrace less-than-ideal traits and annoying habits with more enthusiasm than others. It's a problem if you find that s/he's getting on your nerves often, if you find yourself being impatient with those silly things you used to be able to brush off; worse yet if you're getting fed up with what s/he wants to spend his or her time doing. Who are you to be so critical? Nobody deserves that. En plus, you don't have to find ways to ignore dissatisfaction nor twinges of resentment either. The right relationships are meant to make you and him/her happier, more at ease, supported.

Drop the FOBU. With all these negative thoughts and feelings, it should be easy to accept your current relationship is not meant to be... but then what? How About We coined FOBU as the fear of breaking up. And though it's legitimate, please know you cannot will yourself content. You don't have to. As a wise lady once told me, "I urge you to never settle. I urge you not to make decisions out of fear. Take leaps of faith. Make scary decisions. Sometimes what the universe, god, whatever you believe in has for us is right around the corner, but we are holding ourselves back." Confide in friends while you grapple with this.

Be kinder. Once you're ready and willing to break up with him/her, be kind. Keep in mind how great of a wo/man s/he is, how good his/her family has been to you, how many wonderful times you've had together. Respect him/her and your shared history as you break up. And don't forget to be kindest to yourself. You're not broken for not being in love. You're not a bad person for wanting something more. You're not crazy for feeling both relieved and devastated. Breakups suck. It's hard to unravel yourself from the entanglement of your relationship, to let go of his/her companionship. Take all the time and feelings you need. You'll be okay.

As you've probably guessed at this point, I'm single. It was the right thing to do, he was sadly on the same page, and I'm mostly okay... but I'd be lying if I said I didn't write this for me as much as I did for you. I was so hopeful I was going to experience love a second time, it had seemed so probable, and then I didn't. Gosh, even the story had sounded perfect! I think the worst part is knowing how much I want to be able to say, "And when I met you, my heart sighed."Alas, c'est la vie. Here's to hoping happier comes somewhat soon. Cue the experiences to savor in the mean time, and maybe, eventually, I'll want to mingle again, too.

{More photos of Malmö}

how to be less perfect

Do you want to know something kind of embarrassing? Ren (from Even Stevens) used to be my role model. Ignoring the fact that she's not a real person, I was so in awe of how put together, accomplished, and ambitious she was (for an 8th-grader). I hoped to be as perfect. So I was, or I tried to be. I was what Psychology Today called as a "maldaptive perfectionist." In the words of Charlotte Williams, PhD, lead researcher on this study, "These types of perfectionists like to present a flawless image void of imperfections, so they conceal any personal information that may put them in a negative light." I promise it's less dishonest than it sounds.

I simply sought to be conscientiousness with others and adopted high standards for myself. It wasn't really until my first heartbreak that I allowed myself to "just be", wounded and tenacious, only human. The experience taught me to accept my feelings as they are and forgive myself for any expectations otherwise. Yet I still find myself struggling with this. I still have trouble not always striving to do and be better, which often means failing to appreciate the authentic goodness of now. So the other day, when I received the following in my inbox, I welcomed it with open arms. I'm surely not the only one dealing with this... right?

No more "supposed tos," OK, Danielle?
You're not supposed to work harder, look better, sleep less, sell more, run faster, talk slower, be happier, stay longer, leave earlier, cook, clean, negotiate, settle, start, stop, move, try, win, shake, rattle or roll.

Other people made all that up.

I love you the way you are,
The Universe

Photo from my trip home, of the Tappen Zee Bridge.

how to afford a summer in paris

Times have been tough. Remember when I took myself out to lunch on Fridays and frequently met up with friends for food and drink? Me, too... fondly. I'm on a much stricter budget now that I live in a legitimate apartment. Federal loans only stretch so far, especially after such a fabulous break at home. The list of Parisian delicacies I can enjoy are limited to: 1-euro fresh baguettes, seasonal market produce, and prix-fixe lunch menus only once or twice a month. How I suffer so ;). In all seriousness though, I really do have to be more careful about how I spend my money. Paris is not a cheap city, and even 5-euro pints of happy hour beer add up fast. I might be depending on free events to get me through. Even with an internship paycheck, I doubt I'm going to be able to afford a real vacation.

But who needs a vacation when you live in Paris, right? (Raises hand). With that said, for those who don't already have the luxury of residing here, studying abroad in the City of Lights may very well be out of the question. Unless, of course, you receive help.

Recently, I was contacted by Paris Study Center, L3C to spread the word about their discounted prices on studying abroad in Paris. The potential students are only required to qualify for regular program admission and be considered economically disadvantaged by their FAFSA applications. There's no shame in accepting aid to pursue your dreams, my dear! It's what I did. If you're interested in learning more, or know of someone who might be, please contact Ayana Burroughs at contact(at)parisstudycenter(dot)com.

for your second visit

A little over a month ago, I received an email from an old friend. She would be visiting Paris with her parents in a few weeks. “We've been to Paris before and done the museums and touristy stuff, so I was wondering if you had any advice on any "must see" things that are not so touristy?” I can’t even tell you how excited I was to answer her question :). Having lived here for nearly a year, I’ve discovered countless wonderful things to do that fail to make most travel guides. This is what I suggested:

• Make dinner reservations at Les Papilles.
• Check out any of these expos.
• Go for coffee on the Printemps terrace.
• Visit a new museum.
• Enjoy a three-course lunch at: Mirroir, Joli Deli, Café Constant, Verjus, and/or Crêperie des Pêcheurs.
• Invest in souvenirs at Merci.
• Take a sweet break at La Maison du Chou.
• Stop by the La Maison Européene de la Photographie.
• Have an aperitif at le Ciel de Paris.
• Save money on dinner at: Gyoza, Chez Glandines, Un Zebra a Montmartre, and/or Chez Omar.
• If you like jazz, New Morning is a must.
• Stay out for drinks.
• Escape Paris for the day to Chantilly, Saint-Germain-en-Laye, Gentilly, Maisons-Lafitte, Fontainbleau.
• Season-specific: Go to the beach. See a movie en plein air.
• Picnic along Canal Saint-Martin, in the Jardin du Luxemborg, by the Seine, at Parc de Buttes Chaumont, etc.

In my opinion, visiting Paris the second, third, fourth time around can be infinitely more magical than the first. Though I added a few points to my original list (in response to a request from that friend I just met up with as she passed through), the fact remains: classic sights are still there for the taking, but now you have opportunity (and, dare I say, obligation) to get a taste of the real thing.

Photo from the Bastille Day picnic.

how to be proud to be an american

As much as I appreciate who I am and where I come from, I wouldn't necessarily call myself patriotic. I'm grateful for all this and know how untrue these stereotypes are... but, well, Jeff Daniels articulated my reasoning better in this Newsroom monologue:

Being abroad--viewing the United States from a less biased perspective, through a European lens--has made me a lot more critical. Then again, I'll never forget the kindness I received driving across our beautiful country. I was madly missing everything about the familiarity of home just one month ago. In these past two weeks, I've adored every moment at my friend's wedding, at my parent's house, at my favorite tourist traps. And, my, oh my, was I thrilled to celebrate the Fourth of July on an American beach:

Yesterday, on our Independence Day, I had a lazy afternoon in the sun, barbecued in the backyard, watched fireworks from the porch, and enjoyed this movie with some of my very best friends. I woke up this morning overwhelmed with how lucky we are for all of it. I'm not proud to be an American because this is the greatest country in the world, but I couldn't be more proud of the friendly spirit, adventure, and imagination I know and love to be American; not to mention the irreplaceable opportunity I have to express and share my opinions with you here. Happy belated birthday, America. Thanks for everything.