Friday, March 1, 2013

cooking for two

Happy. Scared. I didn't realize it would be different the second time around, but it is. Then again, I didn't realize it would take so long for me to be ready again either. They say "time heals all wounds". I'm afraid my experience has taught me as such. I thought a change of scenery would fix things, and dating would distract me from feeling "broken", but what really did the trick was simply living, fully. 

Because it does get easier, each day, little by little. 
One day, you'll wake up and not think about him. You'll call your best friend, text your siblings, meet old co-workers for dinner, fall asleep soundly, alone in your bed. You'll realize it's been a couple of weeks since he's crossed your mind. And you won't even mind. 
Then, when you least expect it, you'll meet someone. They also say "it'll happen when you're not looking," and annoyingly, that cliché is true as well. You'll meet him and connect almost instantly. It'll remind you what that this might be meant to be ease feels like. It might be inconvenient though. You may have registered for grad school, applied for a visa, with solid plans to relocate. 
You have to go, too; to follow through with your unfiltered aspirations. This blossoming relationship may fizzle, but the hope won't. You'll finally be sure that there is more than one person for you, and more importantly, that you have to ability to truly connect with someone else. With that faith, you'll keep on living. You'll date again, optimistic; ready for a real relationship without the pressure. 
And eventually, it will happen again. You'll find the potential in another someone. Drinks will turn into dinners, dinners into brunches. Weeks will pass. You'll realize it's been years since you've wanted to be this vulnerable. You'll be happy, and scared, and happy. 
The internal confusion makes sense. You're all too familiar with the risks. You've been hurt before. You've healed before, too. You'll be able to take this chance; especially when it feels so worth it. 

And it will be. Falling in love always is.

16 comments:

  1. this post made me smile :) happy for you!

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  2. can't stop smiling over this :)

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  3. Beautifully put. So happy for you, and a little more hopeful too :)

    Drinks in Paris soon?

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    1. And I'm so glad. Drinks in Paris very soon!

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  4. What a beautiful post, Danielle. This warms my heart so entirely much. I can feel all of this - and have felt it all! Those jerks were right - it does happen when you least expect it :) But that is all part of the magic.

    Happy for you, friend.

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    1. Thank you, Rose. Even in happiness it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Happy for you, too :)

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  5. This is such a lovely, evocative, hopeful post. Thank you for sharing this.

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    1. Of course. I wrote it quite a few weeks ago but was sitting it in a while because I still felt too vulnerable. I'm so glad it spoke to you!

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  6. Very true and clever observations. It's a good reminder not to catastrophize about things. My sister always says "What if I don't find someone else", and I always say "But you will, or you won't, and that'll be okay too".

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  7. I'm thrilled for you Danielle. I read your blog back when there was the boy. And I remember the post when you announced that the boy had become just a boy. Since then I have hoped that you would find someone again! And you have!!! In the most unlikely of places! :)

    May this adventure be a joyful one!

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    1. Thank you so, so much :) I hope so, too.

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