Tuesday, August 13, 2013

how to be less perfect

Do you want to know something kind of embarrassing? Ren (from Even Stevens) used to be my role model. Ignoring the fact that she's not a real person, I was so in awe of how put together, accomplished, and ambitious she was (for an 8th-grader). I hoped to be as perfect. So I was, or I tried to be. I was what Psychology Today called as a "maldaptive perfectionist." In the words of Charlotte Williams, PhD, lead researcher on this study, "These types of perfectionists like to present a flawless image void of imperfections, so they conceal any personal information that may put them in a negative light." I promise it's less dishonest than it sounds.
I simply sought to be conscientiousness with others and adopted high standards for myself. It wasn't really until my first heartbreak that I allowed myself to "just be", wounded and tenacious, only human. The experience taught me to accept my feelings as they are and forgive myself for any expectations otherwise. Yet I still find myself struggling with this. I still have trouble not always striving to do and be better, which often means failing to appreciate the authentic goodness of now. So the other day, when I received the following in my inbox, I welcomed it with open arms. I'm surely not the only one dealing with this... right?
No more "supposed tos," OK, Danielle?
You're not supposed to work harder, look better, sleep less, sell more, run faster, talk slower, be happier, stay longer, leave earlier, cook, clean, negotiate, settle, start, stop, move, try, win, shake, rattle or roll.

Other people made all that up.

I love you the way you are,
The Universe
Photo from my trip home, of the Tappen Zee Bridge.

10 comments:

  1. Danielle, I understand what you mean completely! My mid-year's resolution was just that - to just be. It is definitely easier said than done, but it is much easier once you acknowledge the problem and make a decision to fix it. Here is my post on it. http://goo.gl/4tVynx

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    1. Glad/sorry I'm not the only one! Your post encompasses exactly how I feel.

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  2. Totally can relate to this! I feel like I'm constantly competing with myself to be better and better at everything. This year during my Masters I've really tried to learn to slow down and focus on things I enjoy or really need to be good at. It's nice not being so hard on yourself, like a huge weight lifts off your shoulders :) Love this note from the universe!

    xxx
    Jenna

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    1. It is nice not being so hard on oneself! I wish I were better at it :) glad the note resonated with you, too. xo

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  3. As a recovering perfectionist, I totally appreciate this. :)

    --Erika
    http://www.chimerikal.com

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    1. I am going to strive to be a "recovering perfectionist" starting now. Glad you appreciate it :)

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  4. It's hard not to have that voice in your head, telling you you can always do things better and nothing is ever good enough. And what is good enough anyway? Urgh, it's all too much. I'm trying to give up perfectionism too - I think it's a myth because to my obsessively perfectionist mind, I've recently discovered, there will never be any such thing as "good enough".

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    1. Maybe not "good enough" but I try to remind myself that I AM "ENOUGH" at any particular time in any particular situation. We are greater than we give ourselves credit for.

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  5. Oh man, I used to feel the same way about Ren! (actually, I think you kind of look like her!) and it took a long time to get over my perfectionist tendencies - but I do have one supposed to for you: You're supposed to come visit me in Italy and have a fabulous time :)

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    1. Hahaha, my 15-y/o self is so flattered! I AM VISITING YOU. Perfect :)

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