about charlottesville

I remember how it felt, at the age of 9, to learn racism still existed—to "realize" that to be Mexican meant something, and it wasn't good, not here. I was stunned, shaken into a shame that took years to release; and from which many an admissions essay was inspired.

Since then I've become more critical of my privilege that existed throughout and the guilt that followed. I may have grown up in a bigoted country (albeit quietly), but I wouldn't argue individually-targeted oppression. I've been very fortunate; my parents' hard work and sacrifice literally paid off. And all the while, systemic inequalities continue to persist. To have felt ostracized and to have unabashedly been marginalized is an entire spectrum of nuanced experience. Valid, real, true. Bless this fractured America of ours.

Neither hate nor violence is new to this world, and yet... the events that took place in Charlottesville were viscerally sickening; as is the lack of poignant and morally sound leadership. Hearing about Barcelona and seeing Detroit this past weekend (however imperfect a film) further emphasized my disillusionment. I can't imagine a more necessary time to be reading Rebecca's Solnit's Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities. Nor to stumble across a horoscope such as this one: "It’s easy to take on the imagined weight of this whole world, more and more, until you can hardly stand underneath it. Don’t imagine away your own power, this week. Don’t imagine away the strength you have to keep moving, to keep living, to make the changes on the ground that matter." What does that look like you, too, might have asked yourself. It's not too late:

Get informed about what exactly happened in Charlottesville. Understand the why. Sit with your discomfort while doing so.

Make a donation to organizations that are making a difference now. Regularly fight passivity as well as hate.

Show up, because... yes, there are still points to protesting.

Do not stop paying attention, please.

These days, it’s especially important to have a great source of news and push yourself outside your bubble. Two podcasts we highly recommend: Code Switch, an eye-opening weekly NPR podcast hosted by journalists of color who address the trickiest questions about race in America. And The Daily, a 20-minute weekday podcast from The New York Times. (Yesterday’s episode included first-hand footage from a correspondent in Charlottesville; and today’s episode detailed a city councilor’s experience during the fight over the Robert E. Lee monument, and the chain of events that led to this weekend’s violence.)

It’s Been a Minute is another podcast to add to your playlist. Host Sam Sanders took on the topic of “Charlottesville and White People” in his latest episode. For his part, Sanders sees the hashtag #ThisIsNotUs, which went viral in the aftermath of Charlottesville, as unhelpful. “Even if we don’t think we’re part of the problem, we’re part of the system that has a problem,” he says. “That means that every day we have to ask ourselves what we’re doing to make things better or worse. And a hashtag like #ThisIsNotUs… that’s just a cop-out. -Cup of Jo

No matter your defined race at this moment in time, recognize white privilege. white supremacy, white male terrorism.

Positively influence the next generation—whether or not you're a parent or an educator.

Take better care of yourself and those you care about (as an ally, if applicable).

one long weekend in kauai

Recently, in a one-on-one meeting with a new team member (p.s. I've been promoted to management! woot!), I was asked why I'd virtually stopped blogging. I don't really know, I replied; alluding to the hardships of the past three years and how I must've simply become less comfortable baring all as I've matured. It was only later I realized that that wasn't entirely true. I stopped because I was told to. And in doing so, I got out of the habit of sharing and connecting here with those near and far, known and not.

The truth saddened me. One day, I do want to share those darker days publicly (the world could use a helluva lot more vulnerability), but until I'm ready, I frankly miss not regularly acknowledging how freaking satisfying everyday life can most of the time be and how worthwhile it is to challenge oneself to seek new interactions and experiences. danielle abroad should accept nothing less, right?

So we'll start by wrapping up that solo work/pleasure trip to Hawai'i earlier this year. I flew to Kauai' on Saturday morning and spent four full days reading, relaxing and being rejuvenated by the natural beauty that permeates throughout the island and its residents. It felt similar to my time in Death Valley yet I was an entirely different place personally: a lot more in love and a lot less ill at ease.

The first night at an early dinner, I was given an orchid for my hair and a table overlooking the garden. I ate quietly in gratitude, in awe of my surroundings as well as how much life I've lived since that first time I dined so well solo. I fell asleep shortly thereafter.

I awoke to a cacophony of birds at 4am (way to go, time difference) and held myself over with papaya from the backyard before I ventured to nearest coffee shop for caffeine relief and heartier fare. I found a beach on the northeast side of the island, and went.

That day, I also had shaved ice for the first time, and enjoyed a spur-of-the-moment beachfront massage, and met the loveliest clients for a training in their kids' school library. I also finished my second book, three of four of which I'd purchased the day prior. 

I opted for even more indulgence the following day with a cinnamon roll for breakfast and fresh poke on the beach, and hikes past cows and waterfalls and friendly tourists. Later, I also had my first Mai Tai as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean... and all the while I lounged on an island in the middle of it! A perspective that clearly continues to amaze me. I told my sweet boyfriend so.

And then, it was time to return to the mainland. It was April 4th, eight weeks to my 29th birthday. I'd checked all the HI boxes I hadn't realized I'd invented: visit beaches on every side Kaui'i; read all four female-authored books; eat my weight in local produce and fish; send a postcard to the man who helped me trust myself again, and another to my ever-supportive family; be grateful.

sunny los angeles

But nothing beats the weather, eh?

L.A., nice weather, most of the time, sure. But I am beyond tired of talking about it. Honestly, I'd prefer more rain (not just because of the drought); and, my gosh, I dream of a legitimate wintery chill. Basically, I miss the rejuvenating nature of seasons. Pun intended. What's more, I balk at the implication that clear sunshine is Los Angeles' most redeeming quality. It's dreary today, for the record.

{The Last Bookstore, for instance}

A friend of mine from the Midwest once told me he reveled in the misguided disdain that tries to characterize this city. What he meant, I think, is that it's a pretty incredible privilege to have gotten to know a place so quickly misunderstood. Los Angeles is not easily defined, neither literally nor figuratively, and it's sure as hell challenging to get a ahold of. This whole nother beast might as well be our beautiful little secret.

Before my time in New York, I saw City of Gold. It was fantastic for all the reasons above; and because, in telling Jonathan Gold's story, it celebrated the democratization of food criticism as well as the pure wealth of "culinary adventure that, he argues, are unique to the area in their proximity and commingled global influences." It reminded me of how much I appreciate L.A. for being L.A. And with that, I give you an introductory guide I created for a colleague who recently relocated to establish our DTLA office...

DINE
Best group meal: Korean BBQ (Koreatown)
Eat more ramen: Mitsuwa Marketplace (Mar Vista) or Jinya Ramen Bar (Mid-Wilshire & other locations)
Local date spots: Barbrix (Silver Lake), Cliff’s Edge (Silver Lake), Little Dom’s (Los Feliz)
My favorite “L.A. restaurant”: Eveleigh (West Hollywood)
Restaurants worth the hype: Birch Restaurant (Hollywood), Bestia (Arts District), Faith & Flower (DTLA), Pok Pok LA (Chinatown), République (Mid-City/La Brea), Sugarfish (multiple locations)
Tacos, part 1: Guisados (Echo Park); Tacos, part 2.
The best in Mexican-American burritos: Al & Bea’s (Boyle Heights)
Try the original French-dip sandwich at: Cole’s (DTLA) or Phillipe’s (Chinatown)
P.S. If you go to Cole’s, consider the speakeasy in the back with great cocktails and live jazz
For your bf: pancakes.

DRINK
Best hipster cocktails: Tenant of the Trees (Silver Lake)
Best beer & wine in the neighborhood: El Prado (Echo Park) / 1642 Beer and Wine (HiFi)
Best rooftop bar: Mama Shelter (Hollywood)
Drink beer and play board games: Sunset Beer Company (Echo Park)
Drink beer and play arcade games: Eighty Two (Arts District)
Get to know tequila & mezcal: El Carmen (Mid-City) or La Cuevita (Highland Park)
Have a martini at an “Old Hollywood” bar: Bar Marmont, Formosa Cafe, Musso & Frank Grill
Priceless DTLA views (& pricey cocktails): the Ace Hotel and Perch
Stay caffeinated.

HIKE
Elysian Park: West Loop, Angels Point
Griffith Park: Ferndell Trail, Mount Lee Trail, etc.
Malibu: Tuna Canyon,Corral Canyon, etc.

DO
Add to your library with gems from our neighborhood bookshop: Stories & Books Café (and Skylight!)
Best view of L.A. on the East Side: The Griffith Observatory
Best view of L.A. on the West Side: The Getty Center
Bike in Santa Monica; and in Long Beach
Check out local live music: The Echo and Echoplex
Go to a cheap comedy show: Upright Citizens Brigade
Museums worth the drive: The Autry (Griffith Park), LACMA (Mid-City/Miracle Mile), Natural History Museum (South L.A.), Petersen Automotive Museum (Mid-City/Miracle Mile), The Getty Villa (Malibu)
Pick your beach. My favorites: Cabrillo Beach (San Pedro), El Matador (Malibu), Manhattan Beach
Rent a boat or go paddleboarding: Marina Del Rey
Reserve free tickets: The Broad (DTLA)
Shop at the best farmers markets:

Monday-Thursday: The Original Farmers Market

Friday: Echo Park Farmers Market

Sunday: Atwater Village Farmers Market

Stroll the Venice Beach Boardwalk (because, weird) and dine at Gjusta ($) and/or Gjelina ($$)
Spend an afternoon in Pasadena: Huntington Library & Gardens, Norton Simon Museum, Magnolia House
Walk/shop on the East Side: Los Feliz, Silver Lake, Highland Park
SaveSave

déjà vu

I'd meant to continue with the #eurotrip adventures, but current affairs have stopped me in my tracks.

{Amsterdam}

Two days ago, I learned yet another classmate of mine had passed away. She committed suicide. She left behind a young daughter and numerous loved ones; depression as well. There are nearly a dozen men and women I graduated high school with who are no longer living. And I graduated with 95.

The following day, yesterday, I received a news alert I wasn't immediately startled by. President Obama condemned how "routine" mass shootings have become. Indeed, 2015 has been the worst year for such horrors in the United States; America has six times as many firearm homicides as Canada, and 15 times as many as Germany; and despite repetitive arguments, armed civilians do not stop them from happening. I encourage you to watch the President's statement below. He's angry and frustrated, too.

This past weekend, I finished Secret Son, a hauntingly beautiful read by Laila Lalami (thank you, Little Free Library). It has an engaging albeit fictional storyline, but I was most interested in how it reflected "the desperation that grips ordinary lives in a world divided by class, politics, and religion"--very much a characteristic of the modern condition in Morocco... and everywhere else.

Our reality weighs heavily on my heart. My childhood friend recently had a baby boy, and my excitement to meet him is stained by guilt at the world he has so innocently entered. I worry we've become too disconnected, too numb, too untrusting. In that "debate" I mentioned having at a cozy bar in Amsterdam, Lorelei and I tried to explain the individualism at the core of American identity; how it's responsible, as we believe, for our economic success, revolutionary inventions, powerful global standing, and increasingly unacceptable social ills. "Our thoughts and prayers are not enough," President Obama declared; I'm afraid mere kindness isn't either.

life's a beach

Hey, is this thing still on?

I can hardly believe it's August 3rd already. It's been more than two months since I lived in Paris! Not to mention one month since I settled in Los Angeles, before venturing to the Pacific coast (Long Beach) with my mom, for the first time in almost three years.

{Long Beach}

It was the Fourth of July then and we rode bikes along the beach with old neighbors of ours. I felt like I was on vacation. It amazed me that beachfront mornings, afternoons, and evenings could become an ordinary mainstay in my new home. Still does actually. And now that I'm practically an "Angeleno" (with a shiny California driver's license to prove it), my cousin decided it was about time I pick "my beach." Yesterday, he took my visiting friend Hannah and I on an L.A. beach tour--from Hermosa Beach to Malibu.

{Manhattan Beach}

{Venice}

What a multidimensional city I live in, let me tell you. I was mistaken when I'd thought sand + sun + surf would translate to a mildly consistent look and feel to these waterfront communities. Loved enjoying, comparing and contrasting four of them in just one day.

{Malibu}

As I learn a new job in a new city in a country I haven't lived full-time in in two years, simplistic preconceived notions of this most recent home of mine are being debunked one by one. It's wonderful. Wonderful and overwhelming. Living this real life is quite honestly the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do. So, although I do promise to eventually revive my blogging habits, I ask you to please be patient with me until then. In the mean time: a get-to-know Los Angeles reading list. These two books first.

nos étoiles contraires

"I have a 30," my mom replied, "and a 45, and a 10. The first two are creams, the 10 is an oil, if you want it." "And I have a 30 spray" added Diane. We'd gotten to the beach early, and there was still a chill in the air; endless options for sun protection, too.

{Lake Tahoe, California}

That was this past Saturday, less than two days after I "officially" moved back to the United States.

Among other things, I'm going to have to get re-used to the plethora of choices in this country of mine. There are just so many--sunscreens, coffee orders, high fructose corn syrups, guns. We so closely align personal freedoms with the ability to independently choose what we take care of, and how we harm. It's quite different from particular French ideologies. This is not to say, of course, that the French don't fight their own battles with obesity, legislation, and the market economy... but differently, nonetheless.

Then there are other choices, at least for those of us who enjoy access to them. By mere chance, I've been lucky in that I was born in a country built on egalitarian ideals to a family that provided me with opportunities to develop my ideas about its imperfect realities. I've been lucky, too, to have had experiences to refine such criticisms abroad. They've made me want to come back, to do something about it, however small my individual prowess; and I can because forward-thinking ingenuity and innovation is rewarded here; encouraged even, with the support of those who I'm fortunate to have love me. That said, it makes reintegrating myself into Amurica all the more challenging. Reverse culture shock is such a thing. So this is where choosing how we perceive and react to that which we cannot control comes in, I suppose? I do hope I'm able to choose as wisely and softly as humanly possible.

The decisions that we so often define our lives by can be overwhelming. In my case, they've also been stressful as I'm almost always concerning myself with the right and wrong, better and best. Even still, I'm finding that these concerns were never meant to be part of the equation. Maybe what matters most is that we choose at all, to keep cultivating our selves and potential. Albeit thoughtfully.

By the way, I read a book on the beach: The [much acclaimed] Fault in Our Stars. It was kind of perfect reading; John Green's easy writing style with heavy subject matter that allowed me to make the most of my transition-amplified emotional tendencies. Not to mention it spoke to certain choices that are and have been close to my heart. "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you." (Side note: I recently shared my thoughts on marriage on my friend's rooftop, how the trick is to keep choosing the one you love. I simultaneously realized how good of a friend he is to entertain my unmarried opinions). And thus, ideas were further sparked about what else we have the privilege in choosing. I ended up with SPF 30.

how to stay wild

{via}

I never expected to want to live in the second most populous city in the U.S... let alone be willing to. I'm not quite "a beach person" nor "a film buff"; I have little desire to appreciate In-N-Out; and I really, truly prefer walking to public transport-ing to driving. But, I've "found parts of myself in so many ways, in so many places, in so many people." I've explored and experienced more than I ever could've imagined (especially those 6.5 years ago when I started blogging). I'm full of memories, gratitude, and most of all, eagerness to meaningfully contribute to the world that's given me so much. So, when I was given the opportunity to do good work for an organization I wholeheartedly believe in, I accepted it. Even if it means I will soon relocate to the Los Angeles I've been conditioned to look down upon. (Way to go, New York.) Because, let's be serious, what kind of "open minded" "global citizen" would I be if I didn't refuse stereotypes for more engagement and social impact? "I felt fierce and humble and gathered up inside, like I was safe in this world too." Thus, adventures in yet another destination--one I intend to stay a while in, by the way. On y va !

sunday supper

It's only Saturday, I know... but Leslie arrives from New York on this lovely March 1st! Yippee, and, already? I've been diligently working on my thesis so as to fully enjoy these next few days hosting. On the agenda: Sunday brunch at Cafe Madam, an afternoon along the canal, three days in Basque country (!), an evening at L'Institut Finlandais, an exhibition (or ten), and wine at Verjus, etc.

Now back to this whole "Sunday supper" thing; the Northern Spy occasion at which I last saw Leslie (and Anna, and Elaine). What a comforting treat that was. In between bites of mixed greens, lamb shepards pie, and chocolate panna cotta, we laughed through trials and tribulations of the twenty-something adventure. There wasn't a strand of doubt nor worry in my head as I took the train home.

Once safe and sound in my bed, I spent a few minutes reading Looking for Alaska. Debra had lent it to me. It was my first John Green book. And though I didn't absolutely love the story as she had, I was impressed with the ending; an essay by the protagonist on religion, faith, "the Great Perhaps." My favorite line: "We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreperably broken."

He's a wise one, that John Green (if Pinterest is any indication). This morning, I looked up more quotes from his other works and especially appreciated this Paper Towns one: "What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person." As well as: "What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?" from An Abundance of Katherines. So good. Alright. Well, I suppose that's enough deep thought for one day :) I'm off to meet my darling friend who's visiting me again.

listing & la grande-place

Let's backtrack once more. At the chocolate tasting, I had the opportunity to ask a Bruxelles local what to do in his hometown. His advice: stand in the center of the Grand Place and turn in a complete circle. "Every building you see is from 15th century. They've somewhat miraculously endured the wars since. We think it's the most impressive square in all of Europe." I might have to agree...

But I won't. I don't pick favorites :) even for a square so stunning. In other news, it's been a busy week in Paris. To keep this short:

Eating as many vegetables as possible to balance out lunches with the guys.

Drinking bottomless cups of tea and the occasional hot chocolate.

Practicing gratitude. ‘Tis the season, n’est pas ?

Mastering: transition-induced anxiety.

Learning immigration policies and diversity issues in the UK (thesis prep).

Playing with the French concept of casual dating.

Finishing my internship at PageYourself… and really bummed about it.

Reading Sparkle: The Girl’s Guide to Living a Deliciously Dazzling, Wildly Effervescent, Kick-Ass Life.

Enjoying Paris with the best expat friends.

Walking through Montmartre on my way to PageYourself’s new office.

Needing quality time with my siblings.

Wearing cozy layers.

Cooking comfort food by craving. Most recently, this.

Wondering if I’ll experience reverse culture shock soon. (Hoping not).

Working on pre-research for my thesis.

Travelling back from Brussels (see above), and going home oh-so-soon.

Planning how to best spend two whole months in New York!

The list above was inspired by Tania, inspired by Sydney (and James), and inspired by Pip. Join the blogging community fun?