Tuesday, August 20, 2013

la vérité

Paris and I have spent most of the summer fighting; not in the dramatic blowout kind of way, but rather in passive-aggressive tiffs.
I was so eager to return to New York when I did in June. I was ready to speak a language fluently and without an accent, be surrounded by the majority of everyone I know and love, and spend my days in the familiar ways of home. I embraced those rushed, two and a half weeks with the social busyness that I’d been missing. Everything was the same but different, as expected.
In Syracuse and in New York City, two places which I’d once lived, I stayed in hotels. I played tour guide with nostalgic wisdom instead of current knowledge. I voluntarily spent more time in Midtown Manhattan than I otherwise would have, noticing sights I used to rush past without a second glance—the New York Public Library, the International Center of Photography, The Edison Hotel.
Then, I dove head first into a new daily grind in Paris. I became overwhelmed with finishing school, and moving apartments, and transitioning from a grad student life shared with a handful of American expats to the life of a Parisian intern, adjusting to a foreign work environment and a smaller friend group (being that so many fellow grad students have since returned to the States). In so many ways, it’s been even more challenging than the stressful academics parts of pursuing a master’s abroad.
And yet, I realize it’s not entirely this beautiful city’s fault. The month began so well, but it was last weekend that truly proved it to me--what with a successful surprise birthday party, a friendly Cinema en Plein Air picnic, and an unexpected phone call from home. When I take a deep breath and enjoy it, life in Paris is more full than I ever could have imagined. Thank god for taking chances.
Such are the ebbs and flows of being an expat, I suppose. Realizing it’s been a year since your Bon Voyage party in New York and falling more and more in love on each stroll through your new Parisian neighborhood just encourages the articulation of feeling.
I like to think it's still okay to be a little restless, to seek even more fulfillment in a sea of happy imperfections though. That's probably why I jumped at the opportunity to attend the Media Evolution conference. From tonight on, I'll be spending my week getting reinvigorated with inspiration in Malmö, Sweden. I'm excited to share my experience with you when I get back.

12 comments:

  1. You are one tough chica! I can't tell you how much I love reading about your life in Paris!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, love! Glad you enjoy it :)

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  2. What a lovely, honest post on the trials and tribulations of being an expat. I'm sure it can get lonely. How often do you visit home in the states?
    http://liveitinerantly.com

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    1. Thank you! It felt good to write, too. I've been going home about every 6 months thanks to holidays and events.

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  3. Ah, I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to struggle with a language on top of everything else. I can relate to the accent, always standing out, and having to slot into a totally different work culture, but here almost everyone speaks English relatively well and it's the language of business. Even I sometimes have a love-hate relationship with South Africa, so I can't blame you :) Glad you are taking both the ups and downs in stride.

    xxx
    Jenna

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    1. It feels good to have someone relate! Even if it's on occasional negative feelings :) thanks for the support!

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  4. So you decided to go with Sweden! Yay! Can't wait to hear about it.

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  5. I have fights with London all the time! I enjoy going back to Toronto once in a while, and I always miss London when I do, but when I come back I get so frustrated with the daily grind. I think maybe it's just an aversion to work for me, I want to be on vacation forever!

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    1. Ha, a forever-vacation sounds great! The fact that most Parisians had off for an extended amount of time in August was probably taunting ;)

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  6. Have so much fun in Sweden! That whole region just seems so... foreign. I can't wait to hear all about it!

    I recently saw a quote- I think written on a bathroom wall, actually- that read, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination." It's cliché, but just really resonated with me and came to mind when I read your words.

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    1. Thank you, sweetheart! I love that cliché :) and to you: have so much fun in Greece!

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