Monday, April 5, 2010

rebellious goodie-two shoes

Hello, my gorgeous friends! How was your weekend? Mine was crazy but good: a couple of home errands, a friend's birthday party, and a family Easter celebration. I'll get into the latter tomorrow :) today I've got some "shoulda, coulda, woulda'' thoughts on the brain. Allow me to elaborate...
I hate getting in trouble. A lot. It pairs with a fear of people not liking me, being mad at/disappointed in me,  and because of it, I live my life by the rules most of the time. 
Then again, I hate regrets even more. I believe that life should be fulfilling and rewarding and as such, I prefer to live my life in a way that makes me happiest, while also bringing others the least amount of harm. Yep, I try to simultaneously be selfish and considerate, it's a fun challenge ;).
It is precisely there that my current problem resides. I wish that I knew how to react to this situation, I'd almost prefer that someone just tell me what I'm supposed to do. Then again: What if what I want to do is not the same as what I should do? Oh, and the best part is, by making the wrong choice, the person I will be hurting the most in the end, is me. Talk about pressure!
How was that? Cryptic enough for you? This most recent current event is far too personal to share. It's much more complicated than deciding that although I have mostly given up all dairy, and now suffer from stomach pain if I have too much (as in more than a bite), I was going to eat my mom's eggplant parmigiana for lunch. It was incredible, by the way.
Perhaps it is more comparable to my uneasiness regarding that g-word we shall not speak of, graduation. I can deal with life's rules and regulations when they are in black and white (educational structure) or when they are instated by myself and only call for self-input (food preferences) but when I have to make a decision that cannot be based on pure logic or fact, that I am entirely unsure of and that may affect the rest of my life (dramatic)... I feel completely overwhelmed.
I only need to figure out what is right for me, and yet I'd still appreciate some outside clarification as to what the "right" thing to do, to feel, to say is. Then again, who do I expect it to be from? Mine is the opinion and viewpoint that matters most, is it not?
I promise that I have officially fallen off the edge ;). Please know that since my internal confusion is officially out there, I do feel somewhat relieved, and I'll be more opening to sharing whatever ultimately happens. Thanks for always reading, darlings.
Anyway :) Saturday night, I ventured into Queen's for Dani's 26th birthday. They set up their apartment beautifully with appetizers galore and were equally as fantastic of hosts as the night went on. After wandering around their neighborhood for 40 minutes, I finally got there and snacked on crudités with some of the Pinot Noir that I brought. A match made in heaven, no doubt!
Then we broke out the UpWords, which I also brought, and challenged C's English major skills and those (or lack there of) of us, the others. In the end, my team, Dani squared, came in second. Just so you know.
With all of the picking, and competing, we didn't sit down for dinner until 8.30ish at which point the girls brought out the warm and quartered panini sandwiches. I had one with portabello and another with eggplant (can't get enough) alongside their salad and another generous glass of wine.
By the end of the meal, the ice was most definitely broken. The randomized group of friends and I bonded and chatted for the next hour before dessert. I'd also like to point out the adorable charm that distinguished my wine glass from the others and became very helpful as the night went on. I chose this one with a purpose... love for B'more, of course.
And finally, Happy Birthday Dani! If those two wonderful human beings can enjoy being real people, then hopefully I will be able to do so too. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to make grown-up decisions as well. Wish me luck! See you (and Peter Cottontail) demain!


  1. hmmm i think i need a danielle to english dictionary to know what you are talking about here. Btw sorry about the "beat nova" is next break ok aka after the g word. i didn't bother charging my phone til not that long ago.

  2. Hi honeybooboo. I hope you're OK!!! It sounds like maybe a job quandary or something? I'm not sure!

    Anywayyyy, I love you and miss you. xoxoxo

  3. As a bit of a goodie two shoes myself, I know exactly how you feel! Do I live life to the fullest or play it safe? A perpetual dilemma for me. I hope you get some peace of mind soon--we're all here for you:)

  4. I feel somewhat the same way. Graduating is a big deal... and now that I've bought myself a condo, I'm REALLY feeling the pressure to find a job that uses the skills I've acquired from university. The "real world" is scary stuff. I guess a balance of rules and fulfillment in life is what we're all striving for.


  5. I seriously felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I'm the same way- I get mondo upset when I do something wrong, so I'm often afraid to make my own rules. I wish I had some sage advice, but all I can do is send you a big hug and hope you can figure out something soon with the help of those closest to you :)

    Funny how our bodies adjust to what we're eating, isn't it? Whenever I eat large amounts of dairy now, it's like my body needs to change gears and re-learn how to digest it! Eggplant parm is definitely worth that, though...hope you have a great week!

  6. can I get a danielle interpreter in here? hehehe...i feel the same way as you babe; i always had a hard tiem with disappointing other people, rather have others tell me what to do so i make sure i do it right, etc...

    hugs babe. if you need to talk/chat, i'm always here for you!

  7. Hugs hon.
    The confusion and internal turmoil does get to you sometimes. But in the end it is your life and you dont want to regret not doing something when you had the chance to do it. So go ahead and make your choice. Living life by others' rules is easy innit? Just give in and keep going on the tracks. But deciding what you want to do and how you want to do that is actually living life. Don't you think?
    BTW lovely pics as usual. And happy birthday to your friend Dani :) 23 is a beautiful age to be in.

  8. chris: Ha! I obviously don't care, I just wanted to see you to get some thoughts of my mind. Next time works.

    Kailey (SnackFace): Thank you dear, oh I wish! You're going to love what it is though. Miss you too.

    BroccoliHut: Ah so true, thanks sweetheart!

    Sagan: I think I sometimes forget that I'm the only one going through life changes... hm. Good luck with yours and thank you for your support and understanding!

    Gabriela: That is as sage of advice as I've ever received. Thank you! I know, it's actually kind of amazing, although in this example somewhat painful. I can't believe I'm already intolerant.

    Trying To Heal: Only if I can ;) you're wonderful, thanks as always!

    Lively: Ah, don't I think! 1) Thank you for the hugs (2) I appreciate your expert advice, oh my gosh, so much! I don't think you have any idea how powerful that comment was for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  9. ahh, this whole "being a person in the world" gig gets tough. especially after college. your vague description of this conundrum is understandably tough, regardless of what the problem truly is. it all comes down to how we can be ethical while looking out for ourselves (our number one interest) AND not shitting on others. i wish i knew how to do this to the fullest extent... but i think that's something we'll work on for the rest of our lives. good luck and i hope whatever decision you make doesn't cause you or anyone too much pain or anguish. just believe in yourself, and know that we all make mistakes. right? :)

  10. crunchygranolagal: Are you my guardian angel? I think that is the most comprehensive and understanding answer... ever. You're so right! Thank you!


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