Wednesday, August 22, 2012

on getting emotional

Since my Bon Voyage party--during which I took up a semi-permanent residence on cloud nine--I've cried seven times. Four of the seven took place in the midst of goodbyes, the other three at the thought of them... and trust me, I am hardly at the half-way point. This is the way I am. I feel a lot and I know it.
So I've tightly grasped onto a yoga teacher's words, "however you feel is okay." Another yogic memory has resurfaced as well; of that one time I cried in class. I was at a studio on the Upper West Side beside my Aunt Maryann and my cousin Bianca. We were in a seated twist to the right, and following one deep breath, the tears began. I was alarmed at how swiftly they continued. It was a quiet cry but an intense one. Although I'd known I needed it, I hadn't expected it then. (Sigh).
Last week I took a spontaneous visit to the Chuang Yen Monastery with a friend of mine. Two hours flew by as her and I explored the peaceful grounds. I felt a sense of uncomplicated calm come over me in addition to a deep sense of self. It was kind of amazing, and in a lot of ways, comforting. As I wrestle with the breadth of feeling weary, anxious, doubtful, enthusiastic, vulnerable, blessed, and lonely (a premonition of sorts) all at the same time, forgiving awareness is key.
I don't think there'll ever be a day when tears won't be an awkward guest at goodbyes between myself and the friends and family I adore, but this somewhat habitual process just might be necessary as my life unfolds. I know I'll be okay and I will see them again soon. After all, there are such things as happy tears, too.


  1. feelings are good, all of them, whenever they come up.thank you for this reminder and i'm hoping for all kinds of happy tears coming your way! :)


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