Trying to be on a constant high is exhausting. I am lucky, I am blessed, and still I am not always happy. Especially today. No matter how absurd it may sound, I think that my constant self-reminding of how much I should appreciate the life I lead often leaves me unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
It's not that I want more of anything, really, because I don't. Most of the time I'm convinced that I have everything I could ever need. As for my dreams of the future, I do not doubt my ability to reach them and am usually not pressured by the passing of time. I don't like the expressions that regard time in the sense of money, i.e. wasting, spending, borrowing. If we're always looking at life in the sense of lost time, how can we ever really enjoy the now? The gloriously sweet moments that make up each day may be small but they're there and there is no reason not to recognize them.
So from there, I wonder if I'm lonely. And then I realize that such a state of being is otherwise impossible. I have friends from home, from school, from blogs even, all within a 100-mile radius, possibly less, and I see them often. I live with my family which, although can be taxing sometimes, is a comfort.
Optimism is a skill as much as it is a way of thinking, and 9/10 times I feel as though I have mastered it. Yet if that is so, how can it be that I am so lucky, blessed, and still unhappy? Hmph, what a day. I need a walk.